He told me to think about it, to think seriously about it for the night, and I went upstairs as if I were being chased.
So at dawn, I fled from the flatfish house.

In the evening, I would definitely return. Don’t worry, I’m going to the aforementioned friend’s house to discuss my future plans. I am sure of it. 　I wrote this in large letters in pencil on a piece of stationery, then wrote down the name and address of Masao Horiki in Asakusa, and secretly left Flounder’s house. 　I did not run away because I was annoyed at being lectured by Flounder. I was, as she said, a man of weak character, with no idea of my future plans, and I felt sorry for Flounder that I had to be a burden to her family. I felt very sorry for the flatfish family, and I also felt very sorry that I would be asked to provide monthly support from the poor flatfish, should I ever get inspired and decide to take up the challenge of rehabilitation. 　However, I was not so to speak. 　I had not left Flounder’s house with any serious intention of going to Horiki or anyone else for advice about my future plans. It was more that I wanted to reassure her, even if only for a little while (I wrote such a letter out of a detective novel-like scheme to escape as far away from her as possible in the meantime). It would be more accurate to say that I was afraid of shocking Flounder and confusing and embarrassing him. It is one of my sad propensities to always put on some kind of embellishment because I am afraid to say what I mean even though it is obvious that I will be found out anyway. 　I rarely make such decorations for my own benefit, but only because I find the change in the atmosphere so chokingly frightening that I am willing to do my best to serve it, even though I know it will later be to my detriment.

I rarely make such decorations for my own benefit, but only because I find the change in the atmosphere so chokingly frightening that I am willing to do my best to serve it, even though I know it will later be to my detriment. 　Even though I knew that it would be detrimental to me later on, I would often end up decorating my own words out of a sense of service, even if they were distorted, weak, and ridiculous. 　I had just written Horiki’s name and address on a piece of stationery, as it came to me from the depths of my memory. 　I left Flounder’s house, walked to Shinjuku, sold the books in my pocket, and was still at a loss. Instead of being nice to everyone, I was trying to make a real difference in the world. 　I had never experienced friendship, and aside from playmates like Horiki, I felt nothing but pain in all our associations, and I tried so hard to relieve that pain by playing the fool that I was exhausted. Even if he saw someone he knew, or even someone who looked like someone he knew, he would be startled, and for a moment, he would be struck with an uncomfortable shiver that would make him dizzy. （I was not sure if people in the world have the ability to love. 　(I have my own doubts about whether people in the world have the ability to love).

(I have my own doubts about whether people in the world have the ability to love). 　I had no way to make a so-called best friend. 　I didn’t even have the ability to visit. The gates of other people’s houses were even more eerie to me than the gates of Hell in the Divine Comedy, and I was aware, without exaggeration, of the presence of a foul-smelling, dragon-like creature roaming behind those gates. 　I have no company with anyone. I can’t go anywhere to visit him. 　Horiki. 　That’s exactly how the joke turned out. I decided to visit Horiki in Asakusa, just as I had written in the letter. I had never visited Horiki’s house on my own before, and had usually summoned him to my place by telegram, but now I was afraid to pay even the telegram fee, and I was also afraid that he might not come just by sending a telegram, out of fear that I was too depressed to do so, so I thought that I would have to pay a visit to Horiki, who was not very good at telegrams. He decided to pay a visit, which he was not very good at. 　I decided to visit him, and with a sigh, I boarded the streetcar.

I decided to visit him, and with a sigh, I boarded the streetcar. When I realized that Horiki was my only hope in this world, I was struck by a terrible feeling that sent a chill down my spine. Horiki was at home. Downstairs, Horiki, his elderly parents, and a young craftsman were sewing and pounding geta (Japanese clogs) together. Horiki showed me a new aspect of his urban life that day. It was what is commonly referred to as chucklishness. It was a cold, sly egotism that made me, a countryman, look at him in astonishment. He was not a man like myself, who just flowed on and on and on. 　I am utterly disgusted with you. Did you get approval from your grandfather? Not yet. 　I couldn’t say that I had escaped. 　I had to rely on Rei to cover it up. I was sure that Horiki would find out any minute, but I kept up the act. 　I’ll figure it out. 　Hey, it’s not funny. I’m warning you, stop being an idiot. I’ve got some business to attend to today. I’ve been ridiculously busy lately. 　What kind of errands? 　Hey, hey, please don’t cut the strings of the zabuton! 　As I was talking, I was unconsciously playing with one of the four corner strings of the zabuton I was laying out with my fingertips and tugging on it.

What kind of errands? 　Hey, hey, please don’t cut the strings of the zabuton! 　As I was talking, I was unconsciously playing with one of the four corner strings of the zabuton I was laying out with my fingertips and tugging on it. Horiki seemed to be willing to spare even a single thread of the zabuton if it was from the Horiki household, and without a trace of shame, he would chastise himself with an angled look in his eyes. When I thought about it, I realized that Horiki had never lost anything in his relationship with the family. Horiki’s elderly mother brought him two trays of oshiruko (sweet red-bean soup). 　Oh, what’s this? 　I’m sorry, oshiruko," Horiki, like the filial son he had always been, said to his elderly mother with an unnatural politeness in his speech. 　Excuse me, oshiruko? You’re a bold man, aren’t you? I didn’t need to worry about it. I have to go out soon for an errand. No, but it’s a shame to waste your oshiruko, which you are so proud of. I’ll have some. How about one for you, too? My mother took the trouble to make it for me. Ah, it’s delicious. He’s so bold! 　She ate it with great joy and relished it, as if she were not playing a part in an act.

He’s so bold! 　She ate it with great joy and relished it, as if she were not playing a part in an act. I also sipped it, but it smelled of hot water, and when I tasted the rice cake, it was not rice cake at all, but something I did not recognize. I did not despise its poverty. (I did not think it tasted bad at the time, and I also felt the thoughtfulness of my old mother. ) The oshiruko and Horiki’s delight in the oshiruko showed me the miserable nature of city people and the reality of Tokyo people’s households, who are always eager to distinguish between the inside and the outside. I just want to note that I, as a thin and stupid person who has always been running away from human life, was completely left behind and felt as if I had been abandoned even by Horiki, and that I felt dismayed and irresistibly wretched while handling the oshiruko with the burnt chopsticks. 　I’m sorry, but I have something to do today. 　Horiki stood up, put on his coat, and said, “I’m sorry, but I have some business to attend to today.

Horiki stood up, put on his coat, and said, “I’m sorry, but I have some business to attend to today. 　I beg your pardon. 　At that moment, Horiki had a female visitor, and his own situation took a sudden turn. 　Horiki suddenly became animated. 　I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I was just about to come over to your place, but she came out of the blue, and she said, “No, I don’t mind. Come in, please. 　She seemed to be in a great hurry, so she took off her own zabuton, turned it inside out, snatched it, turned it inside out again, and gave it to the woman. There was only one other guest’s zabuton in the room besides Horiki’s.