Even so, I still found the idea of being human still frightening, and I had to drink a glass of sake before meeting with customers.
I was afraid to see anything scary. I would still go out to the store every night, even drunkenly spouting off some poor artistic theory to the customers, as if I were a child squeezing a small animal that was actually a little frightened.

Cartoonist. Ah, but I am an unknown cartoonist with no great joy or sorrow. No matter how great the sorrow may come later, I was inwardly anxious for wild and great joy, but my present joy was only to talk nonsense with my customers and drink their sake. After arriving in Kyobashi, I had already been leading this kind of silly life for about a year, and my cartoons began to appear not only in magazines for children but also in crude and obscene magazines sold at train stations. I would also insert a verse from the Rubaiyat. Stop praying in vain. Let’s just drink. Let’s have a drink, and remember all the good things. Forget about your unnecessary concern. Those who threaten others with insecurity and fear are frightened of their own terrible sins. They are always planning in their minds to prepare for the vengeance of the dead. Night is full of wine, and my heart is full of joy. The night is dark and desolate. I am in the middle of the night. Stop thinking of haunting me, my mood has changed. Like drums echoing from afar. What’s the matter with him, he’s anxious, and he won’t be able to help himself if every fart he makes is accounted as a crime. Justice is the guiding principle of life, right? Farewell to the bloodstained battlefield. On the battlefields of the assassin’s sharp point. What justice dwells there? Where is the guiding principle? What light of wisdom? Beautiful but fearful is the floating world. The child of the weak is burdened with a burden he cannot bear. The seeds of uncontrollable passions have been planted. They are cursed with the words “good,” “evil,” “sin,” and “punishment. I can do nothing but be perplexed. Unable to control it, unable to give it strength or will. Where have you been wandering around? What is your criticism? I’m just a man who can’t give you the strength and willpower to control and break down. I’ve forgotten how to drink, so I’m all just imaginary thoughts. How about this? Look at the sky, which has no horizon. It’s just a dot floating in the middle of the sky. How do you know why the earth rotates? It spins on its own axis, rotates on its own axis, and even rotates back and forth on its own axis. I feel the supreme power everywhere. In every country, in every race. I find the same humanity. I am a heretic. Everyone is misreading the Holy Scriptures. Otherwise, they wouldn’t have the common sense and wisdom to forbid the pleasures of life, or to stop drinking. Okay, Mustafa, I hate such things. 　But then there was a virgin who advised her to stop drinking.

But then there was a virgin who advised her to stop drinking. 　You’re drunk every day at noon. Her name was Yoshi and she was white with double teeth. Whenever I went out to buy cigarettes, he would laugh and warn me. 　Why is it wrong? Why is it wrong? Drink as much liquor as you can, child, and let the hatred disappear, disappear, disappear,” as the Persians used to say, “Well, well, well…to bring hope to a weary, sorrowful heart, just drink a glass of wine that gives a slight intoxication. Do you understand? 　I don’t understand. 　You son of a bitch. I’m gonna kiss you. 　Kiss me. 　Don’t feel bad at all and stick out your lower lip. 　Idiot. Chastity, …… 　But the look on Yoshi’s face was clearly smelling of a virgin who had not been defiled by anyone. 　On a bitterly cold night after the New Year, I was drunk and went out to buy cigarettes, fell down a manhole in front of the tobacconist, and cried out, “Yoshi, help me,” and Yoshi pulled me up and took care of the wound on my right arm, at which point she said to me, “You drink too much.

On a bitterly cold night after the New Year, I was drunk and went out to buy cigarettes, fell down a manhole in front of the tobacconist, and cried out, “Yoshi, help me,” and Yoshi pulled me up and took care of the wound on my right arm, at which point she said to me, “You drink too much. 　You drink too much! 　She said without smiling. 　I don’t mind dying, but I don’t want to be injured, bleeding, and crippled, so as Yoshi tended to the wound on my arm, I thought to myself, “I’ve had enough of drinking. 　I’ll quit. From tomorrow, I won’t drink a drop of alcohol. 　Really? 　I’m sure I’ll stop. If I stop, Yoshi, will you be my wife? 　But I was joking about the bride thing. 　Mochi. 　Mochi is an abbreviation of course. 　Of course, it was an abbreviation. MOBO, Moga, and many other abbreviations were in vogue at that time. 　All right. Let’s do gemman. I’m sure I’ll stop. 　The next day, I drank from noon. 　In the evening, I stumbled out and stood in front of Yoshi’s store and said, “Yoshi, I’m sorry.

In the evening, I stumbled out and stood in front of Yoshi’s store and said, “Yoshi, I’m sorry. 　Yoshi, I’m sorry. I drank. 　Oh, no. I shouldn’t have pretended to be drunk. 　I felt sober. I felt sober. 　No, it’s true. I really did drink. I’m not pretending to be drunk. 　Don’t make fun of me. It’s the other person’s fault. They don’t even question it. 　I can see it when I look at him. I drank from noon today, too. Forgive me. 　You’re a good actor, aren’t you? 　I’m not acting, you idiot. I’m going to kiss you. 　Come on, give me a kiss. 　No, I’m not qualified. I’ll have to give up on you as a bride. Look at your face. See how red it is? 　I’ve had a drink. 　That’s because the sun is shining. Don’t try to fight me. I made a promise yesterday. You couldn’t have drunk it. I had a sexual intercourse with him. I didn’t drink, I lied, I lied, I lied! 　I have never slept with a virgin younger than myself, I will marry her, no matter what great sorrow may come afterwards for that, I will have a wildly great pleasure, just once in my life, I will have a virginity that is so beautiful that it makes me feel like a fool.

I didn’t drink, I lied, I lied, I lied! 　I have never slept with a virgin younger than myself, I will marry her, no matter what great sorrow may come afterwards for that, I will have a wildly great pleasure, just once in my life, I will have a virginity that is so beautiful that it makes me feel like a fool. I had thought that the beauty of virginity was nothing more than the illusion of a foolish poet’s sweet sentimentality, but I knew that it existed in this world, and I decided right then and there that we would get married and go see the Aoba Falls together on a bicycle in the spring. 　They decided right then and there that they would get married and go see the Aoba Falls in spring by bicycle together. 　The joy they gained from it was not necessarily great, but the sorrow that followed was unimaginably great, to say the least. For me, the world is still a bottomless pit. 　The world was still an unfathomable and frightening place. It was not a simple place where everything could be decided by a single game of chance. 2. Horiki and myself. 　Horiki and myself.

Horiki and myself. 　If we follow each other with mutual disdain, and by doing so, we make ourselves look like fools, then this is what is called companionship in this world. 　If this is what we call companionship in this world, then the relationship between myself and Horiki must have been exactly like companionship. 　I was sure that the relationship between myself and Horiki was exactly that kind of companionship. 　I was hanging on to the chivalrous spirit of the madam of the Kyobashi stand bar (chivalrous spirit of a woman is a strange way of using the word, but based on my own experience, at least in the case of urban men and women, women had more of what could be called chivalrous spirit than men did. I was able to make Yoshiko, a tobacconist, my common-law wife, and we rented a room downstairs in a small two-story wooden apartment near the Sumida River in Tsukiji, where we lived together, gave up drinking, and worked diligently at the manga business, which was becoming my regular occupation. After dinner, we went out together to see a movie, went to a coffee shop on the way home, bought a pot of flowers, and more than that, I enjoyed listening to the words and watching the actions of my little bride, who trusted me so deeply, that I thought that maybe, just maybe, I too would become more like a human being. Just as I was beginning to have the sweet thought in my mind that perhaps I would be able to become more and more human and not have to die a miserable death, Horiki appeared before my eyes again. 　Hey! 　Shikuma.

Hey! 　Shikuma. Oh? 　Even so, you’ve turned out to look somewhat sensible. I’m here today on an errand from Ms. Koenji.