I should have just pretended not to notice and gone to bed, but the girl looked as if she wanted me to say something to her, so I showed my spirit of passive service and, although I really did not want to say a word, I put all my energy into my exhausted body, crawled on my stomach, smoked a cigarette, and then went back to bed.
I smoked a cigarette, and then I read a love letter from a woman.

I heard that a man once boiled a bath with a love letter from a woman. 　Oh, no. That’s you, isn’t it? 　I’ve boiled milk and drank it. 　I’d be honored. Have a drink. 　I can’t wait for him to go home, even though I can’t see his letter. He must be writing a hehe no moheji. 　Let me see it. 　I said, “Oh, no, oh, no, oh, no, oh, no,” and his happiness was so miserable that it only awakened my interest. Then I thought to myself, “Why don’t you run an errand for him? 　I’m sorry, but could you go to the drugstore on Train Street and get me some Calmotin? 　I’m too tired, my face is burning, and I can’t sleep. The money is available at …… 　Fine, I don’t want your money. 　She stood up happily. She knew that asking a man to do something for her was not something that would discourage a woman, and in fact, she knew that women were happy when a man asked them to do something for him. 　The other was a so-called “comrade” who was a student of literature at the Women’s Higher Normal School. 　She was a comrade.

She was a comrade. I had to meet with this person every day, even though I didn’t want to, for the sake of the exercise. Even after our meetings were over, the woman followed me around forever and bought me things. 　You can think of me as your real sister. 　I shudder at her racy attitude, and I think to myself,. 　I intend to. 　I reply, making a pensive smiley face. Anyway, I was afraid of offending her, and I had to cover it up somehow. One summer night, when I couldn’t stay away from her, I kissed her in the dark part of the city, just to get her to leave, and she became wildly excited and called a car to take me to a building that was secretly rented for their exercise. I called a car and took her to a small western-style room like an office in a building that I had rented secretly for their campaign, and we had a big row until morning. 　I secretly chuckled to myself. 　I could not avoid them as I had done with many other women in the past, and I was so anxious that I was trying my best to keep them in good moods, and I found myself in the same state as if I were in bondage.

I could not avoid them as I had done with many other women in the past, and I was so anxious that I was trying my best to keep them in good moods, and I found myself in the same state as if I were in bondage. 　At the same time, I received an unexpected favor from a waitress at a large kafue in Ginza, and even though I had only met her once, I still felt so worried and frightened about the favor that I could not move. By that time, I had become able to ride a train by myself without relying on Horiki’s guidance, or go to the Kabuki-za Theater, or even enter a kafue wearing a kasuri kimono. At heart, I was still suspicious, afraid, and worried about human confidence and violence, but on the surface, I could not greet others with a straight face or, no, I could not greet others without a bitter smile of defeat, but anyway, I had enough ability to greet others even with a selfless, hemming and hawing. 　I am not able to greet people without a bitter smile of a defeated clown. 　Or women? 　Or alcohol? 　But it was mainly due to the lack of money that I was on the verge of mastering this skill.

Or women? 　Or alcohol? 　But it was mainly due to the lack of money that I was on the verge of mastering this skill. I thought that if I could get mixed up with a lot of drunken customers, waitresses, and boys at a big kafue, my constantly chased mind would be calmed down. 　I only have 10 yen, so I’ll take it as it comes. I only have 10 yen, so I’ll take it as it comes. 　Don’t worry about it. 　There was a hint of a Kansai accent in his voice. And that one word, strangely enough, calmed my trembling heart. No, it was not because I no longer needed to worry about money, but because I felt that I did not need to worry about being with that person. 　I drank alcohol. Because I felt at ease with that person, I had no desire to play the role of a clown, so I did not hide the quiet and miserable side of my gold, and drank in silence. 　Do you like this? 　The woman placed a variety of dishes in front of her. I shook my head. 　Only sake? 　Let’s drink too! 　It was a cold autumn night. I remember that I had said to Tsuneko (I think I remember her name, but my memory has faded and I’m not sure. I was eating sushi that didn’t even taste good at all at a sushi stall in the back of Ginza, as I had been instructed to do by Tsuneko (I remember the name of the person I was drinking with, but my memory has faded, and I have forgotten even the name of the person who died of love). Later, on the train, I thought about how I had seen that same face, and then I realized that I looked just like the old man at that sushi restaurant, and I laughed. I even had a few chuckles when I realized that I looked just like the old man at the sushi restaurant. I think the sushi was so bad at that time that it must have made me feel cold and pained. I had never thought the sushi was good even when I was taken by someone to a restaurant that served good sushi. It was too big. (I always wondered if it was possible to make the sushi as big as my thumb. 　He was renting the second floor of a carpenter’s shop in Honjo.

He was renting the second floor of a carpenter’s shop in Honjo. I drank tea on the second floor, holding my cheek with one hand as if I were suffering from a severe toothache. I drank my tea while holding my cheek with one hand, as if I had a terrible toothache. She, too, was a woman who seemed to be completely isolated from the rest of the world, with a cold wintry wind blowing around her and nothing but fallen leaves fluttering about. 　She told me that she was two years older than me, that her hometown was Hiroshima, that she had a husband, a barber in Hiroshima, that they had run away together to Tokyo last spring, but that her husband had been convicted of fraud and was in prison, and that they were not doing any real work in Tokyo. I used to go to the prison every day to bring him something or other, but I’m quitting tomorrow,” she said. I don’t know if it is because I am not good at telling women’s stories, or if it is because I am putting the wrong emphasis on the story, but at any rate, I always find it hard to listen to. 　Wabi-shii.

Wabi-shii. 　self 　Alcoholic beverages. I have no money. 　I whispered to Tsuneko. I wanted to drink as much as I could. From a snob’s point of view, Tsuneko was just a miserable, poor woman who did not deserve even a drunken kiss. Surprisingly, I felt as if I had been struck by a bolt from the heart. I drank as much as I could, as much as I could, as much as I could, drunk as much as I could, looked at Tsuneko, smiled sadly at each other, and thought that she was just a tired, poor woman, as they say. I felt that she was just a tired and poor woman, but at the same time, I felt the affinity between people without money (the discord between the rich and the poor may sound clichéd, but I now believe that it is one of the eternal themes of dramas). I threw up. I was in a coma. It was the first time I had ever been so drunk that I lost control of myself. 　When I woke up, I found Tsuneko sitting on my pillow. She was sleeping in the upstairs room of a carpenter in Honjo. 　I thought she was joking, but she was serious.

I thought she was joking, but she was serious. He never came to see me. It’s a complicated situation, isn’t it? Can’t I help you out? 　No. 　Then the woman also rested, and at dawn, the word “death” came out of her mouth for the first time. 　The word “death” came out of her mouth for the first time.